With Silver Bells and Cockle Shells

K.,

If you don’t mind, I’d like to share with you the ancient farming wisdom of my Irish forefathers who settled in mid-coast Maine during the mid-1700s. Are you ready? You might want to get a pad of paper and a pencil. Don’t plant vegetable plants in pots. I don’t claim to be a master gardener, and I definitely don’t have a green thumb. In fact, I don’t know my petunias from my pansies. But whenever I try planting vegetables in a pot, the end result is laughable and sad. Seriously, my potted basil wouldn’t even make a single serving of tomato, basil, mozzarella salad, and the tomato plant in a pot has the same small green fruit from July.  I didn’t want to stare at it too hard for fear it might collapse under the pressure.

As kids we were goose-stepped to all sorts of compulsory 4H activities and classes, one of which was gardening. Every August we harvested our most impressive carrots and cucumbers and exhibited them in the 4H booth at the Union Fair. We then earned a few ribbons, and amazingly, a few dollars for our earnest, youthful efforts. At the time weeding and picking rocks out of our garden was a form of punishment, the summer sun beating down on our hunched backs. (My mom would weed in her bathing suit to improve her tan.) Now, however, I happily plant a garden in the spring and sit back in smug satisfaction while food explodes from the ground.

My Better Half and I plant modest gardens– just big enough to consistently supply us veggies to eat without slipping into RAGING HASSLE territory. What am I going to do with 14 cucumbers today?! Is cucumber cake a thing? Who’ll take a five gallon bucket of cherry tomatoes?? Please, anyone! When I show up at your house with a few veggies from our garden, I’m not actually trying to be a good guest. I’m off-loading food that might otherwise go to waste at our house. You’re welcome.

But back to my genetically ingrained agrarian knowledge. If you want to try Fancy Gardening, you can read the back of the seeds packets for recommended growing conditions. You can also go CRAZY trying to improve nitrogen levels, adding humus or loam, and introducing compost or manure. But really, the first and most critical step in successful vegetable gardening is finding a patch of dirt and scattering some seeds. The other day I discovered our only cucumber plant was so enterprising, it snaked it’s way through the chicken wire fence, behind the compost bin, and grown three massive cucumbers. Next to a litter of kittens.*

I’m approaching this parenting experiment with a similar philosophy. I try not to hover or overly constrain Jamie, Kai, or Leo. I encourage their interests, even when they deviate from mine, and even when it means Jamie brings his favorite stuffy to Pajama Day at school and is teased mercilessly for his 20″ Tinker Bell doll. The boys don’t know “girl colors” from “boy colors”. I hope I am giving them the same space and freedom enjoyed by the possessed tomato plant in the dirt patch beside our garage. And I hope that they will flourish for it.

My Pretty Maids all in a Row. (Monkey suit, helmets, and roller skates NOT required for bountiful garden. Surly children optional.)

-A.

*Not really.