Let’s Get Physical

K.,

Your devotion to lap swimming reminds me of my devotion to complaining about running. In my quest to lose the last 10 pounds of baby weight, I have been compulsively running and working out since November, after two years of relatively focused exercising.

Nobody but me thinks I need to lose weight. Thankfully, My Better Half somehow seems to love me at whatever weight I top out at. As I waddled into the hospital ready to bust out Kai and Leo, I was a disturbing 194 pounds. At only 5′-5″, I’m sure there were a few European nations that were smaller than me. I looked like a cross between Honey Boo Boo’s mom and a manatee in a maxi dress. Oh my god, did I just write that? I’m so mean. My apologies to the manatee.

I’m very fortunate that my husband only wants me to be happy with my own weight and he will love me whatever size I am. But for me to be satisfied with myself, I need to be at my pre-children weight of 130. Nothing crazy, right? It’s not like I’m angling for Gisele’s job. The arrival of these boys has completely bulldozed my life, so reclaiming my body will help me feel like the Old Me.

What’s really frustrating about the exercise this time around is the effort to lose any weight is ten times what it’s been in the past. Losing poundage for our wedding? Like taking candy from a baby. Losing the weight after Jamie’s birth? Like taking candy from a toddler– just a few more tears. After Kai and Leo? Aside from giving birth to them, I’ve never worked harder or with more focus on anything, which is a sad commentary on my efforts in college and graduate school. With that intensity, you would think I’ve seen dramatic, thrilling results. Hello, Sports Illustrated? Yes, I’d love to be featured in the swimsuit issue. I’ve only lost TWO pounds since Christmas.

Maybe we should lay off the chili dogs?

I know in a flash you’ll be swimmin’ in the fast lane or runnin’ with the big dogs or whatever metaphor you crazy swimmers use, so keep up the good work. I’m going to try a paradigm shift and turn my work-outs upside down. Hopefully soon I’ll be sweatin’ to the oldies.

(photo courtesy of richardsimmons.com)

A.